Coroners, funeral directors use faith to maintain happiness

“Bob, come over here,” Robert Byrd says to his little brown Dachshund as his family huddles together for a portrait.
As the dog joins Byrd, his wife and children, it looks like a portrait of a normal American family. Well, except the location.
That would be Byrd’s brand new funeral home, still under construction.
To Byrd, who has been Houston County’s coroner for 22 years and a funeral director for 33 years, his family is the same as any other.
The kids go to school while his wife and the older children help with the family business, which just happens to be death.
“My wife and I are very involved in our funeral home. All three sons help us after school and on weekends and in the summertime,” Byrd said. “Our oldest son, Jordan, helps us on funerals when we get real busy. He directs funerals.”
Byrd’s demeanor doesn’t fit the image of coroners and funeral directors propagated in films and television shows, such as HBO’s “Six Feet Under.”
“Oh, my gosh, that show is so over the top,” Byrd said. “It may happen in California like that, but it doesn’t happen in south Alabama like that, I’ll tell you that. I like that show, but it’s just so far fetched.”
He’s quick with a joke, and he says he long ago overcame the gloomy nature of his professions.
“It helps to really understand and know it’s a physical part of life what I do, and there’s a better side,” Byrd said. “As sad as it is today for us, the hope is we’ll be there after with God. There is a hereafter, and hopefully we’ll be with Him.”
His wife, Toni, supports Byrd in his coroner and funeral home duties. Death is as much a part of her life as eating and sleeping.
“It’s just become part of our lives,” she said. “It’s what he does, and I don’t know If you ever get used to it, but it’s just part of what we do.”
Byrd’s five children, who range in age from 13 to 24, say they never struggled to understand their father’s profession.
“It just never did bother me,” said Emily, 13.
Phillip, 18, says his respect grew for his father’s job as he got older.
“It’s definitely a different job, and you really understand what it means to help people, what it’s like to give back in a time of need,” he said. “It’s a very strong thing to be able to help someone like that.”
According to their parents, the kids had an advantage by being born into the business.
“My experience has been children are so much more flexible than adults. They deal with death better than adults do,” Byrd said. “They seem to deal with it and rebound as quick or quicker than adults do. They’re very, very agile. They aren’t as entrenched as adults are.”
The kids look at the funeral home as their home away from home.
“To them, it’s just a natural process, what their dad’s always done. It’s a natural part of life. They’re used to it,” Toni said. “They’re a part of the funeral home. They’re here most of the time.”
While every member of the Byrd family may be used to death, that isn’t to say it’s easy to deal with.
“The toughest things for me are children, because I have children. I’m of the mindset that you’re supposed to bury your parents, but not your children,” Robert said. “There’s times I’ve gone out on calls, and when a dispatcher calls me and tells me we have a death, I’ll be on the way praying it’s not my child in the call. They just say we have a fatality at this location. I’m just hoping my child isn’t it, the same fear as all parents.”
His family can tell when he’s struggling with a call.
“You can really tell when he comes in and is really quiet, that he’s been helping someone,” Phillip said.
Those who deal in the business of death often have a tough time not taking their work home, and it affects them all in different ways.
“Some of the stuff I dealt with 16 years ago still haunts me today,” said Geneva County Coroner Max Motley. “It’s a position, even though I love it, I still don’t understand why anyone would want it. Because of the mental anguish and mental punishment you have to live through from some of the situations you have to deal with, I can’t explain why I continue to try to serve.”
Derek Wright has been Henry County’s coroner since 2002, and he says his wife has been witness to the anguish he endures.
“She says she can tell when I’ve been to something (bad) that happened. She says it really affects my emotions,” Wright said. “The hardest part of the job is dealing with the families and telling them. When you come off a call, and you come home, it really hits home. You just go and hug your children, because you know the people you were just at didn’t get the chance to do that.”
Wright says the emotion drives him in his work.
“When it doesn’t bother me anymore is when I need to get out of it,” Wright said. “A coroner has to have feelings to tell a family what’s happened. The hardest part of the job is dealing with the families and telling them.”
For Motley, the emotions are the worst part of the job.
“My wife’s been begging me since I started to resign,” Motley said. “She thinks it has a lot to do with my health condition and the heart troubles I’ve been battling. It may or may not.”
One aspect that seems to unite coroners is their faith.
Without it, they say,      their job would be nearly impossible.
“If it wasn’t for the fact I could get on my knees and pray and ask Jesus Christ to give me some help and relief to guide me through this, there’s absolutely no way I could make it through this,” Motley said.
Wright credits his church with helping him through one of his most difficult times.
“I had several cases right in a row, and my church had a prayer for me,” he said. “That helped, very much so.”
Byrd remains active in his faith and says it helps to center him.
“How could you not have faith in my line of work? It would be tough,” he said.
But even he has to get away once in a while.
“I don’t have many hobbies. I don’t hunt. I don’t fish. The only thing I do is ride a motorcycle,” Byrd said. “Some motorcycles have radios and CD players and all that good stuff. Mine has nothing. When I have time, I like to do that more than anything else. I can see the sky. You can see everything, you can smell everything. No phones ringing. It’s my kind of little getaway, and it helps relieve my burdens.”
Even with those burdens, Byrd honestly enjoys his work.
For him, that’s not a morbid thought, but a joyful one.
“There’s not many times in a person’s life when you can truly affect them and help them. What I do, I can. I see it every day,” Byrd said. “It’s something that people, thank God, don’t have to deal with very often. But when it does come up, it’s devastating. It gives me a great sense of satisfaction to be able to guide people, give them the options, give them the choices and give them the comfort.”