Random nonsense
For this week’s column, instead of a long-winded tirade on whatever topic I’ve chosen to bloviate about, you’ll be treated to five short-winded rants on select current events.
Why the change?
I’m trying to convince a doctor I’ve got fibromyalgia so I can get a government check and a Dr. House-sized bottle of pills I can pop, so I’ve got to work on looking lazy.
Here we go:
Big Brotha Please: I’ll be glad when these local elections are over because I’m tired of seeing all these signs in the back of pickup trucks.
Dothan already looks tacky enough with about 20 title loan joints dotting our main drag like zits on the prom queen’s nose, but dang if our would-be leaders don’t have to make it worse by parking pickup trucks alongside of the road with signs in the back of them saying “Vote for Dippity Do-Da, He’s Slightly Less of a Jerk Than the Other Guy.”
Here’s an idea for our next mural: Why don’t we paint a couple of pink flamingos and a Camaro up on blocks flanked by a lady holding a baby on one hip while smoking a Virginia Slim?
Meet the new mullah, same as the old mullah: Apparently we’re all supposed to be upset because the Iranian government fudged their election, leaving Mamoud Amademajad in power. Upon a little research however, it turns out the other guy ain’t much better. Mir Hossein Mousavi apparently was one of the founders of Hezbollah and had political prisoners executed.
Personally, I’d just settle for the old days when the power mad dictators we had to worry about had names we could pronounce, like Hitler, Stalin or Steinbrenner.
Nice Tweets: Lindsay Lohan recently posted a topless photo of herself to Twitter.
Yawn.
I know the journalism world has gone gaga over Twitter, hoping to actually catch the boat on new media for once, but I have to admit that I find the whole thing rather annoying. I don’t need to know every insignificant detail of everyone’s life. I only have x amount of give-a-damn per day, and I can’t be wasting it on why Amanda is so upset with the service at the Coldstone.
Don’t violate your parole: If you’ve recently divorced and are thinking about getting married again, don’t.
You’ve put in quite a bit of time, money and effort getting out of your Supermax marriage, why would you want to turn around and get stuck in the hole again?
Getting married just after you got divorced is sort of like if that guy from “The Shawshank Redemption” turned around and tunneled his way back into jail after putting in all those years of work digging out of there.
Enjoy your freedom for a few years. Sure you might need to learn how to do your own laundry or cut your own grass, but just remember the nightmare you just escaped.
Pre-paid tuition: Here’s a bit of couple’s advice that will significantly reduce arguments on the weekend: Take care of business before you go out to the club. Ladies, if you go ahead and take care of your man before you go out, he won’t get grouchy if you want to stay out until 3 a.m. or when you talk to your guy friends, because he’s already gotten his. No dude wants to be up ‘til 4 a.m. and have to buy you drinks and food just for the possibility of getting a little lovin’. If you go ahead and prepay, he’ll be happier, and the experience will probably be better anyway because he won’t be grouchy and tired.
Eagle Staff Writer Jim Cook can be reached at . He won’t write you back because his fibromyalgia is acting up.
Reader Reactions
I was told Obama was bringing down America now I’ve realized it’s just the dummies who live around me.
Keep up the good work, Cook. The article was funny.
A little harsh and cruel, countryboy. When people begin talking about doing stuff like this, I feel like saying “watch out for that one!“
I don’t suppose any of you are familiar with the term SATIRE? Jim’s comment on fibro was meant to be ridiculous. I battle severe depression, and I sometimes joke about just going crazy, that being in an institution wouldn’t be so bad because of getting to sleep a lot, having food made for me, no dishes to clean, lots of crafts, lots of TV, and of course, the MEDS! It is a JOKE. I noticed no one seems to have any problems with his comments on Iran or Lindsey Lohan. Ummm.
I always thought that a person that considered him/her self a journalist had to have enough smarts to do a little research to obtain some education about a topic they were going to write about.
A couple of days ago, a written comment was made by Jim Cook regarding fibromyalgia. I found this comment to be very degrading and completely inappropriate. The person who made these comments showed his total ignorance of a disease that has attacked over 7 million people.
Having been one of those people for over 17 years, I strongly think that an apology should be issued for the lack of decency in the way that this supposedly professional person degraded every person who has this dreaded disease.
We have to struggle with servere pain every day of our lives. Some of us can not even get out of bed for days on end due to the extreme pain that is raising havock with out bodies.
A person that intentionally writes degrading comments about people with disabilities should not be allowed to be published again. It seems to me that the editors of this type of trash should have thrown the article out with the rest of the garbage. It would have been the decent thing to do.
GA Shill
Member of MenWithFibro
To A Concerned Mom,
Thanks for supporting my comments. I am a holistic health advocate, and I’m here to tell you DIET is everything! I have seen so many people suffer from illness due to contaminated meat and animal products. Anywhere from looking old, ADHD, ODD, ( all behavior related illnesses, FM, Insomnia, heart problems, blood pressure, you name it! Our society is NOT taught the importance and healing properties of foods. Hence, one reason I don’t support public schools or health institutions based on false recommendations. Drinking milk and other animal fats each day causes a harness of problems. Over time, these constant animal products and what ever disease they carry, start to break our digestive systems down along with all other systems. However, I believe the key to longivity and health is the digestion system. Taxing that system with foods that are contaminated and generally bad for your system, will over time cause health problems such as FM. If you eat milk, cheese, eggs, meat daily and have FM, then stop that diet TODAY! I promise it will reverse itself over time and start eating veggies for the most part. Some people may say “that is too simple”...well guess what! God made your body to work and function and not be drug dependent. YOU have to make lifestyle change and get your body back on the healing track. I do educate people as much as I can about the REAL health benefits to foods and what you SHOULD eat everyday. The food pyramid is a lie! Stop the red meat today and take back your health!
I would not have read the article except for the many comments. I do not have FM but I did not find this article funny. I am a healthcare provider and we find many things amusing as a way of coping that most do not understand. This was not one of them. My prayers go out with those of you who suffer with this disease. I have a child with ADHD and understand how hard it is when everyone who has not experienced a condition thinks they have the answer or that, in fact, the condition does not even exist. They think you should just get over it with your sheer will!
I did not find the “Pre-paid Tuition” funny, either. My guess is Mr. Cook has problems in many of these areas and was just hoping his article would help him out. Maybe he is searching for an excuse for many issues.
Still, he has the right to write this stuff just as we have the right to comment on it - whether other readers agree or disagree. We also have the right to not subscribe to the Eagle if we don’t like it and send our comments to the editor. I glance at in online but don’t spend my money on it. I get most of my news online and in the free weekly local paper.
I thought the whole thing was funny! Please! Don’t take Jim’s comments so seriously! If we can’t laugh at ourselves and our problems, what can we laugh at? Making fun of some of this stuff seems to take the sting of reality out of them. Thanks Jim for the ray of laughter on some serious subjects. Lighten up everyone!
I wanted to express my sincere gratitude to those who disputed the remark about fibromyalgia. I am touched by the person who said they “know somebody with fibromyalgia.“ You just demonstrated your compassion and intelligence.
As for the nurse, I want to say this was an incredible statement for you to make. It is very hopeful for someone like me, a 29-year old with fibro, to hear a voice from the healthcare industry stand in our favor.
This is a poorly-understood illness. There are a lot of “little fires” like this article that ought to be stomped out. These ideas should not be perpetuated and columnists ought to know that illnesses aren’t funny to those who live the reality. Speaking so boldly on a sensitive subject shows out-right ignorance and insensitivity. It’s an awfully poor choice to have made.
It comforts me to see the title of the article as surely those statments are a bunch of “nonsense.“
For the sake of readers, this illness is deeply life-affecting. When I got sick, I had just lost 175lbs through diet and exercise and thought I ought to have been on top of the world. Instead, I was confused when I couldn’t seem to keep up my routine from fatigue… and I had an all-over ache that rarely seemed to ease. When my alarm clock went off in the morning, it felt like a joke—how could 8 hours have passed? It felt more like 3 or 4 hours… did I really sleep or not?
Sadly, these things were beyond my control. I couldn’t WORK HARDER to make them go away, I hadn’t done anything to DESERVE the illness. It’s not MIND OVER MATTER, just as diabetes isn’t something you can “just get over.“ I was eating healthily, exercising, I was happy… doing ALL the right things. So, am I to blame for getting sick? No.
It took 3-4 years for a doctor to say, “Hey, I know what’s wrong with you and I can help.“ Now, I’m on medicine to help me sleep, muscle relaxants, tylenol and a NSAID for pain management. I eat better and I’m able to exercise 5-10 minutes at a time for now (I try to total 20 mins a day). There are times I think maybe I need something like Ultram for my back pain in particular but that’s a road I’m not ready to cross yet. I’m more fortunate than some who have this illness.
One thing having an illness like this teaches is humility and compassion. Of course we do get angry at comments like these, but only because we work so hard to live this life as well as we can. We deserve basic respect but we won’t always meet those who have the decency to show it.
Many people will tell you fibromyalgia is not an illness, unless you count it as a mental illness. A lot of people “develop” it as a way of getting out of doing something they don’t want to do. Then their thoughts become a reality and—bingo!—fibromyalgia. Like positive thinking, only about something negative.
A woman in my old neighborhood said she had it but it seemed to flare up (or whatever happens to it) when her husband was around. I have to say, if my spouse was as annoying as he was I’d make sure to claim to have an illness too, no matter how vague it was.
Mr. Cook is insensitive to a lot of things—so what? Most times there are grains of truth in humor which is why it delights some people and offends others.
I normally will not agree with 123bok, however, along with your daily regimin of medications, it would not/could not hurt to make some dietary changes. Little things like switching to a salt substitute or going from whole milk to 2% milk can help you feel better, even if it is just a state of mind.
Now about Jim Cook. The only things wrong with him are ignorance and stupidity. Even if he feels this way, why would he put it in print? Yes, some people do “fake” their illnesses or symptoms. To those folks, I take no pity. But to those who truely suffer with any ailment, have a little sympathy. If you are not living with an ailment, stay quiet. Even if you think they may be faking it.
I know some with this particular illnesS. Before they were sick, they were fine, hard-working people who rarely missed any work nor did they complain about any little pain they had. To see them now, shows me that they are in pain and it is with every fiber of their being not to depend on only meds to get them through the day.
Before you voice your opinion, know some facts.
BTW, why would The Dothan Buzzard continue to have Jim on staff after this stunt?
“I’m trying to convince a doctor I’ve got fibromyalgia so I can get a government check and a Dr. House-sized bottle of pills I can pop, so I’ve got to work on looking lazy.“
I think people who suffer from Fibromyalgia should be offended. Jim Cook just called you lazy.
Many diseases early on in medical history were thought to be faked, made up, or people possessed with demons. Epilepsy was one of them, Mental illness another. It wasn’t until many years later after extensive research did the medical community take these two disorders for example, seriously.
It does make me wonder why Mr. Cook picked Fibromyalgia to use in his article. Does he have some problem with this disorder or did he just use it lightly not thinking about what he was saying. I believe it was the later as Mr. Cook doesn’t give much thought to what he writes.
Yes, Mr. Cook, Fibromyalgia is real. As a nurse, I see the pain, depression and suffering that comes along with the little understood disorder. You should take better care to choose your words more carefully next time you carelessly pick on medical disorders. People are offended and certainly should be. Others would be too if Mr. Cook had chosen another medical disorder.
I agree with the writer who suggested Mr Cook educate himself on Fibromyalgia. The first lesson being any medical disorder should be capitalized. Then Write an article about it, that would be far more interesting than the childish antics he gets paid for publishing now.
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