Random nonsense
For this week’s column, instead of a long-winded tirade on whatever topic I’ve chosen to bloviate about, you’ll be treated to five short-winded rants on select current events.
Why the change?
I’m trying to convince a doctor I’ve got fibromyalgia so I can get a government check and a Dr. House-sized bottle of pills I can pop, so I’ve got to work on looking lazy.
Here we go:
Big Brotha Please: I’ll be glad when these local elections are over because I’m tired of seeing all these signs in the back of pickup trucks.
Dothan already looks tacky enough with about 20 title loan joints dotting our main drag like zits on the prom queen’s nose, but dang if our would-be leaders don’t have to make it worse by parking pickup trucks alongside of the road with signs in the back of them saying “Vote for Dippity Do-Da, He’s Slightly Less of a Jerk Than the Other Guy.”
Here’s an idea for our next mural: Why don’t we paint a couple of pink flamingos and a Camaro up on blocks flanked by a lady holding a baby on one hip while smoking a Virginia Slim?
Meet the new mullah, same as the old mullah: Apparently we’re all supposed to be upset because the Iranian government fudged their election, leaving Mamoud Amademajad in power. Upon a little research however, it turns out the other guy ain’t much better. Mir Hossein Mousavi apparently was one of the founders of Hezbollah and had political prisoners executed.
Personally, I’d just settle for the old days when the power mad dictators we had to worry about had names we could pronounce, like Hitler, Stalin or Steinbrenner.
Nice Tweets: Lindsay Lohan recently posted a topless photo of herself to Twitter.
Yawn.
I know the journalism world has gone gaga over Twitter, hoping to actually catch the boat on new media for once, but I have to admit that I find the whole thing rather annoying. I don’t need to know every insignificant detail of everyone’s life. I only have x amount of give-a-damn per day, and I can’t be wasting it on why Amanda is so upset with the service at the Coldstone.
Don’t violate your parole: If you’ve recently divorced and are thinking about getting married again, don’t.
You’ve put in quite a bit of time, money and effort getting out of your Supermax marriage, why would you want to turn around and get stuck in the hole again?
Getting married just after you got divorced is sort of like if that guy from “The Shawshank Redemption” turned around and tunneled his way back into jail after putting in all those years of work digging out of there.
Enjoy your freedom for a few years. Sure you might need to learn how to do your own laundry or cut your own grass, but just remember the nightmare you just escaped.
Pre-paid tuition: Here’s a bit of couple’s advice that will significantly reduce arguments on the weekend: Take care of business before you go out to the club. Ladies, if you go ahead and take care of your man before you go out, he won’t get grouchy if you want to stay out until 3 a.m. or when you talk to your guy friends, because he’s already gotten his. No dude wants to be up ‘til 4 a.m. and have to buy you drinks and food just for the possibility of getting a little lovin’. If you go ahead and prepay, he’ll be happier, and the experience will probably be better anyway because he won’t be grouchy and tired.
Eagle Staff Writer Jim Cook can be reached at . He won’t write you back because his fibromyalgia is acting up.
Reader Reactions
Mr. Cook, I find your article very offensive, offensive in the sense you are blatantly attacking the fibromyalgia community, completely unwarranted. You do have the freedom of press on your side, and apparently ignorance is one of the perks of that claim to fame.
If you Google the word fibromyalgia, you get Results 1 - 10 of about 6,200,000 for fibromyalgia
While you are “training” to look lazy, I realize you will have time on your hand, and you can devote extra time to acquiring this knowledge. You won’t have to spend any time learning how to look ignorant, cold, heartless, and perhaps even mindless, clearly you have already mastered those traits.
What next can we expect from your glorious writings? Attacking the diabetics for taking insulin to live? How about paraplegics, I bet you can get some super duper jabs out of that crowd! Don’t forget the deaf and blind, there should be tons of material there for you to take advantage of…. all at your fingertips, just type away. It is obvious you are not a skilled journalist, maybe you are seeking a career in standup comedy for a second career, you never know, people may actually pay to hear you make fun of them, of their loved ones, of people in their lives who mean something to them…........ stranger things have happened.
And to think you of all people are dedicated to the EDUCATION part of the news! Have you ever considered EDUCATING yourself on the topics you so freely attack for no reason?
If they ever give the One Bad Apple Award in Journalism, you dear sir will need to rent a tux, so you can accept the award!
A renown fibromyalgia treatment center.
Center for Hormonal Healing™
140 Village Street
Birmingham, AL 35242
Another new clinic, devoted to the treatment of fibromyalgia
ALABAMA FIBROMYALGIA CENTER
3322 Memorial Parkway, Suite 423
HUNTSVILLE, AL 35801
Another, of course in ALABAMA!
David McLain, MD Birmingham Rheumatology - Main Office
2022 Brookwood Medical Center Drive, Suite 211
Birmingham, AL
35209
A tidbit from the Governor of Alabama:
Fibromyalgia Proclamation Signing
July 9, 2008
Fibromyalgia Proclamation Signing
On April 17th, Governor Bob Riley signed a proclamation declaring May 12 Alabama Fibromyalgia Awareness Day. Fibromyalgia is a form of arthritis characterized by long-lasting, widespread pain and tenderness at specific points on the body.
Representative Moore, who has fibromyalgia, introduced the resolution calling for the proclamation, which was co-sponsored by Representatives Threadaway and Drake. David Neal has been a statewide spokesperson for fibromyalgia awareness for many years.
Coverage of fibromyalgia by an Alabama TV station:
http://www.waaytv.com/global/story.asp?s=1230757
Alabama Public TV presents special on Fibromyalgia
Understanding Fibromyalgia
Episode Number: 903
Fibromyalgia is a chronic condition affecting 10-12 million Americans. This condition, which manifests in symptoms such as pain throughout the body, memory problems, sleep disturbances, and bowel and bladder irritability, is seriously under diagnosed, often being mistaken for a psychological condition. On this program, experts discuss how patients can be properly diagnosed, explain the possible causes of fibromyalgia, and identify the lifestyle changes and treatment methods that can assist patients in living healthy and fulfilling lives. The future is bright, as medical research continues its focus on investigating the precise causes of the condition and discovering more options for treatment. CC. DVS.
Underwritten on Alabama Public Television
I can go on and on about articles published by medical research teams located in ALABAMA major medical research, conducted by renown hospitals and medical centers in ALABAMA.
Alabama has been one of the major contributors in the area of research, leading edge research. Doctors who have devoted YEARS of their practice to the study of fibromyalgia and the destruction it does to the patients body, home life, mental well being, family structure, and over all, the INDIVIDUAL, and how they must deal with it on a day to day level.
Thank God, there are people in Alabama who have minds, who have hearts, who are capable of showing compassion, understanding, and a willingness to educate themselves on current topics, medical advances, and to take active parts in the never ending battle against fibromyalgia, and how it destroys lives.
I pray that each and every one of these doctors get the opportunity to read your article, and I’m sure they will appreciate it and remember your name. And I will make you a promise, I am going to do everything possible to make sure they get a link to your article. As you can see, I’ve clearly Googled “fibromyalgia Alabama”
Your publisher should assign you to doing a feature article on fibromyalgia, one researched, conducting interviews, and it should be published in print. If this ever happens, I will be glad to get you in contact with some of the leading doctors in the nation, making strides in the area of fibromyalgia. I’ll be more than glad to do that for you, because it would be educational, informative, and it would give people the opportunity to LEARN about this disorder.
Normally, I end my emails and letters with “I thank you for your time and consideration” but I can not do that this time, because I simply don’t thank you for anything at all.
Bob Hall
http://www.menwithfibro.com
cc:
Publisher: Jim Whitten jwhittum@dothaneagle.com
Managing Editor: Ken Tuck ktuck@dothaneagle.com
City Editor: Kendall Clinton kclinton@dothaneagle.com
Editorial Page:William Perkins wperkins@dothaneagle.com
News Editor: Christi Kulavich ekulavich@dothaneagle.com
Reporter - Education: Jim Cook jcook@dothaneagle.com
Is bigotry still funny in Alabama? Does defaming the disabled seem like a funny way to open an article?
Jim Cook, you embarrass yourself and your paper. Your name and your poorly written article will forever be linked.
Jim,
Your comments are an insult to me, and others with fibromyalgia. Yes I have, and suffer from fibromyalgia. I wish I didn’t have fibro, so I could work!! I hate taking pills for pain and all the other symptoms I deal with everyday from fibro.
I hope someday you have to spend the day in a darkened room, in bed, that the slightest movement of the bed sets you off in unbearable pain, or a migraine that pounds your head all day….......
(No not really I wouldn’t wish fibro on my worse enemy, that is how bad it is.)
I’ll ask you right now to visit the fibromyalgia website
http://www.menwithfibro.com/home.html.
So that you may learn more about fibromyalgia, instead of insulting those of us with fibromyalgia.
Sometimes about the only thing that gets me (and others) through the day are my faith in Jesus, laughter, and being able to talk with others with fibromyalgia.
Before you make comments on people with fibromyalgia Jim, I suggest you study up on fibromyalgia. I fully agree with comments posted by Ronr.
Country-guy of from MenWithFibro forum
Since I have been treated by the top researcher in this country, I doubt that trying veggies would be of much help or he would have already mentioned that.
Hello,
You may want to try going on a veggie diet for a couple of weeks Ron. This has been know to cut the symptoms of this disease down a lot. Good Luck
I’m not sure what sort of medical degree you might have or where you might be getting your information but your opening comment on Fibromyalgia “I’m trying to convince a doctor I’ve got fibromyalgia so I can get a government check and a Dr. House-sized bottle of pills I can pop, so I’ve got to work on looking lazy” smacks in the face of every person with a disability of any type.
I have been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and would love to stop taking all of the many pills that help only a little and be able to return to work so that I could make much more than I do on disability. That way I would not appear lazy to better than thou people such as yourself.
What in the name of God makes you think that anyone would want a condition that literally robs them of everything they have previously known in the way of lifestyle and living itself. Does constant intractable severe pain, sleep disruption, cognitive difficulties, and a multitude of other problems somehow entice you in some perverted way?
Maybe you just want to disservice everyone that takes prescription medications of all types by taking this “Dr. House-sized bottle of pills” and selling them on the street. That way you might further smear the name of honest people that have chronic pain and need these medications to maintain any level of functioning.
You might not personally believe in Fibromyalgia but it is recognized by the National Institute of Health among other many other agencies. I take great offense at your crude unknowing and uncaring comment directed at the millions of people across the U.S. with what is a crippling for some disease. This condition has been proven to exist and is worldwide.
Fibromyalgia may not be a visible disease like having someone having their legs or arms severed but it is real non the less. A heart attack is not visible though and those people receive pills afterward, so that might be appealing for you also.
You sir owe an apology to all people with disabilities for your comments. In particular, those with Fibromyalgia have been offended greatly by your statements indicating that Fibromyalgia is not a real disability.
Ronr
menwithfibro.com
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