Why not Obesity Day?

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Unless you’re a government worker, you might not be aware there’s a holiday tomorrow, and considering the amount of work a lot of government workers get done even on their days on, a couple of them might not realize it either.

I speak, of course, of Confederate Memorial Day, and considering how I am not a government worker, I’m left in a bit of a quandary about what I should do to celebrate this holiday. Should I go kidnap some of my neighbors and force them to do yard work? Should I go out and pick a fight with a numerically and technologically superior opponent, or should I find something I’m sure to fail miserably at, such as mixed martial arts or male modeling? (I have the body of a god, unfortunately, it’s Buddha.)

Before I start getting flooded with e-mails calling me a Yankee and letting me know that Delta’s ready whenever I am (but only as long as it’s not an ASA connector flight), let me just say I grew up in the South. My first vehicle was a full size GMC pickup. I’ve eaten so much fried chicken it’s given me a kidney stone. And despite the fact Valdosta State University reluctantly conferred a bachelor’s degree in English on me a few years ago, I still say things like “ain’t” and “fixin’ to” on a regular basis.

I’ve just never understood why folks would want to celebrate a war they lost. I mean, I’d be all for bringing back VJ or VE day or perhaps even busting a pinata to celebrate our victory in the Spanish-American War, but why commemorate a tail-whoopin’? That would be like the French throwing a party on Trafalgar Day (go ahead, Wikipedia it if you don’t get the joke), Wall Street erecting a statue to AIG or me waxing nostalgic about 10th grade.

I understand that many folks had forebears that fought in the war, but does that mean that because my heritage is English, I should start celebrating Hastings Day to commemorate when my ancestors got their butts handed to them by those dastardly Norman invaders in 1066? Should French people wear T-shirts that read “Napoleon surrendered but I didn’t?” At some point you have to let history stop being a living, breathing thing and be allowed to become just words on a page.

Besides, I would think that losing a war is something you want to hush up, sort of like catching mono or picking up a she-male. Instead of having a day celebrating getting defeated in a war we deserved to lose, why not celebrate something we’re good at down here? We could have a Low Tax Rate Recognition Day or perhaps a memorial day for all the pigs that have died to supply us with high quality barbecue.

And if we feel we must, in the tradition of Confederate Memorial Day, celebrate something embarrassing, I suppose we could always have an Obesity, Ain’t it Great Day or High Illiteracy: At Least We’re Not Killing Trees Day.

Scalawag Jim Cook can be reached at .

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Flag Comment Posted by twright on May 21, 2009 at 1:56 pm

Wow, chill out lady.  My comments were directed at the author of the column—not at you or anyone posting a response (that’s how this response thing works).  You’ve attacked a response that pretty much agrees with your viewpoint. ???

Flag Comment Posted by DixiePeanut on May 20, 2009 at 10:03 pm

Dear Sir, what you wrote in answer to my comments is shown below in ALL CAPS. 

Though rather entertaining, your article totally missed one critical point. There is no celebration of war (on Armstice Day, Memorial Day, Pearl Harbor Day, Confederate Memorial Day), 

IF YOU HAD READ WHAT I WROTE MORE CLOSELY YOU WOULD NOTICE THAT IN IT THERE IS NO CELEBRATION OF WAR AND THAT’S IS HOW IT SHOULD BE. I’M SURE THAT MOST OF US WILL CELEBRATE MEMORIAL DAY NEXT MONDAY, MAY 24. THAT DAY WE WILL NOT BE CELEBRATING ANY WAR, BUT WILL BE HONORING THOSE WHO FOUGHT IN EVERY AMERICAN CONFLICT…EXCEPT FOR CONFEDERATE VETERANS WHO ARE TOTALLY LEFT OUT OF IT. CONFEDERATE MEMORIAL DAY USED TO BE A SEPARATE MEMORIAL DAY IN APRIL, AS MR. COOK SO DERISIVELY POINTED OUT, AND IS STILL COMMEMORATED BY THE DESCENDANTS OF THESE VETERANS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY. THIS IS WHY THOSE OF US WHO LOVE OUR CONFEDERATE HERITAGE STILL CELEBRATE AND HONOR OUR ANCESTORS WHO SERVED IN THE CSA, BECAUSE THEY ARE GENERALLY LEFT OUT OF THE NATIONAL MEMORIAL DAY CELEBRATION IN MAY.

but respectful remembrance of those who, in Lincoln’s words “gave the last full measure”. 

YES, I AM VERY RESPECTFUL OF ALL THE VALIANT PATRIOTS IN OUR GREAT LAND WHO HAVE FOUGHT AND DIED FOR THEIR BELIEFS. HOWEVER I MAKE IT A POLICY TO NEVER QUOTE LINCOLN THE TYRANT, THE TWO-FACED POLITICIAN WHO WAS A CONSTITUTION HATING, CONSUMATE LIAR AND WARMONGER (SOUND FAMILIAR IN THE PRESENT DAY DC ADMINISTRATION?); THE ACCESSORY TO THE MURDER AND MAIMING OF MORE THAN 350,000 SOUTHERNERS—WHITE AND BLACK, JEWISH AND CHRISTIAN, MALE AND FEMALE, CHILDREN AND ADULTS !

Regarding what to do: I would suggest visiting remote graveyards that hold veterans from long ago and tidying up, pulling weeds, recording their names for posterity. 

IT SEEMS YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE UDC IS ALL ABOUT, DO YOU?  IF YOU DID YOU WOULD KNOW THAT VETERANS (BOTH CSA IN THE PAST AND USA IN THE LAST FEW WARS IN THE PRESENT DAY) ARE REGULARLY GIVEN TRIBUTE BY OUR ORGANZATION IN ALL OF THE WAYS YOU SO SMUGLY SUGGEST, AND MUCH MORE. 

Honoring those who fought for our country (USA and CSA) is a small, simple, and safe tribute that surely even you have some time to do. 

EVIDENTLY YOU DO NOT GIVE TRIBUTE TO ANYONE ELSE BUT YOURSELF, OR YOU WOULD BE OUT THERE DOING THESE IMPORTANT THINGS YOU MENTION;  AND IF YOU WERE DOING THEM, YOU WOULD KNOW THAT THE UDC, SCV, DAR, SAR, COLONIAL DAMES, SOCIETY OF THE WAR OF 1812, AND OTHER HERITAGE SOCIETIES THAT HAVE CHAPTERS IN THIS SECTION OF AL, GA & FL TOO, GIVE OF THEMSELVES AND THEIR FINANCES ON A REGULAR BASIS TO SEE THAT VETERANS OF EVERY WAR THAT HAS EVER CLAIMED THE LIFE OF AN AMERICAN IS HONORED. IF YOU KNOW OF ANY SUCH GRAVES THAT HAVE NOT BEEN DECORATED, PLEASE LET US KNOW. WE WILL BE HAPPY TO SEE THAT IT IS DONE. THE UDC HAS A STATEWIDE NETWORK FOR SUCH THINGS AND WOULD BE HAPPY TO ASSIST YOU. YOU MAY CONTACT THE LOCAL UDC CHAPTER AT :                < ridewiththatdevilnbf@yahoo.com >

And, what a shame if your thought is accurate—that few even know the sacrifice of fallen veterans or why there is a day of remembrance. Yet another clue that we continue to fail miserably in teaching our state and nation’s history.

YES, ON THIS TOPIC YOU ARE CORRECT. OUR PUBLIC SCHOOLS FAIL MISERABLY AT TEACHING ALL OF OUR NATION’S HISTORY, ESPECIALLY THE PART OF IT THEY WANT TO REMEMBER, LEAVING OUT THE REST, SUCH AS THE REAL REASONS THAT THE SOUTH WAS DRAWN INTO A WAR IT DID NOT WANT OR ASK FOR FROM 1861-1865. IN THE PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEMS OF THIS STATE ALABAMA HISTORY WAS ONCE A REQUIRED COURSE, BUT SOME YEARS AGO IT BECAME AN “ELECTIVE” IN THE HIGH SCHOOL CURRICULUM. SINCE I RETIRED FROM THE DOTHAN CITY SCHOOL SYSTEM IN 1996, I DON’T KNOW FOR SURE IF IT IS EVEN TAUGHT AT ALL NOW.

SO SAD…

FOR THE CAUSE,
Martha S. Smith

Flag Comment Posted by twright on May 20, 2009 at 9:16 am

Though rather entertaining, your article totally missed one critical point.  There is no celebration of war (on Armstice Day, Memorial Day, Pearl Harbor Day, Confederate Memorial Day), but respectful remembrance of those who, in Lincoln’s words “gave the last full measure”.  Regarding what to do:  I would suggest visiting remote graveyards that hold veterans from long ago and tidying up, pulling weeds, recording their names for posterity.  Honoring those who fought for our country (USA and CSA) is a small, simple, and safe tribute that surely even you have some time for.  And, what a shame if your thought is accurate—that few even know the sacrifice of fallen veterans or why there is a day of remembrance.  Yet another clue that we continue to fail miserably in teaching our state and nation’s history.

Flag Comment Posted by DixiePeanut on May 19, 2009 at 12:01 pm

Recently you derisively questioned the reason why Confederate Memorial Day is ‘still’ observed in Alabama.
In answer to your query, below are quotes from three eloquent sources whose sentiments are all the same. Even though two are speaking to us from the past, one is from the present day. Their eloquent agreement says far more than I ever could when it comes to explaining the reason why Confederate Memorial Day is still so lovingly celebrated in Alabama on the last Monday of April each year. 
“All of the blood of the American Revolution of 1776 was shed to establish the right of self government. The Revolution had no other end, meaning that if it did not establish that right, then it was a sanquinary farce; and yet because we (in the South) chose to exercise that very right 85 years later, we were declared ‘rebels’ and numerous herds of mercenaries, collected from all quarters of the globe, were hurled against us.  Four years of terrible, barbarous warfare, of cruelty of the most savage and wickedness of the most wanton followed. Everyone in the South knew, and REAL Southern Patriots still do, that looting was the name of that game “ - Excerpt from ‘The Richmond Whig’, January 20, 1865
“Instead of accepting the defeat of the South as a divine verdict against her, I regard it as but another instance of ‘truth on the scaffold and wrong on the throne.‘ “ - Robert Catlett Cave, Minister & Confederate Vet, 1911
“The War Between the States was about independence, about self-determination, about the right of a people to break free of a government to which they could no longer give allegiance. How long is this endless groveling before every cry of ‘racism’ going to continue before the whole country collectively throws up?“  - Patrick Buchanan (syndicated column, 7/28/93)

Now, almost 150 years later, the remembrance of that great UN-Civil War still leaves some Southerners,  the descendants of those brave and courageous Confederates who dared defend their homes, their lives and their sacred honor, the need…no, the duty, to remember these men and their gallant deeds on Confederate Memorial Day each year.
It’s because of our ancestors who managed to make it back home from that War (mostly on foot) that we even exist. They picked up the pieces and lived through Reconstruction, which was in some ways worse than the War because it effectively destroyed the balance of their culture that remained.
And you, one of the horde of ignorant, ‘unwashed media scalawags’ who dare call themselves Southern journalists today, you don’t have a clue as to the real meaning of this inheritance. It is the ‘blood right’ of those of us who choose to honor our brave Confederate grandfathers, sir.  As for you…why, you don’t even deserve to utter their names.

In the words of the immortal William Faulkner, “In the South, the Past
isn’t Dead…it isn’t even
Past”

Martha S. Smith
United Daughters of the Confederacy,
General William C. Oates Chapter, Dothan

Great Grand Daughter of Joseph F. Sullivan,
8th KY Infantry (Mtd)

Flag Comment Posted by allege on April 26, 2009 at 5:58 pm

Confederate Memorial day is not day we celebrate because we lost a war. Confederate Memorial day is set aside to honor those men who stood up for the beliefs of our founding fathers, who stood up for the constitution of the United States. Men who knew bravery and fear, who knew hunger and pain, men who lived and died for a cause greater than themselves. Many of whom are buried in unmarked graves.

Flag Comment Posted by sam on April 26, 2009 at 5:21 pm

You are correct that we might have obesity, or ignorance, or brainwashed, or propaganda days; or many other days reflecting the lack of education or lack of determination to learn the truth. But to denigrate the honor due the men who fought to preserve the Constitution given by the founders, and who were defending their families and homes from rape, destruction and pillage is a total disgrace to us all.

May the Lord bless you with insight and wisdom to see your wrong.

Flag Comment Posted by Pinget on April 26, 2009 at 11:57 am

Great piece, Jim. As a born and bred Southerner, I agree with you.

Flag Comment Posted by Mountain Boy on April 26, 2009 at 10:43 am

Those who don’t remember history are doomed to repeat it.  Was the War of Southern Independence a “good war”. NO. Brutal death, destruction and devestation followed. The South suffered for years. But, should we remember and honor those who died in this savagery. YES. Senseless war should always be remembered. Vietnam and now Iraq come to mind.  In a country that the news is more consumed about what Britany Spears is up to today then what soldiers died in Iraq needs more memorials to sensely war. Yes, the Civil War was sensless and a horrible waste. But remember, so we don’t do it again and again and again.  Honor the dead, not the concept they died for.

Flag Comment Posted by Rob John on April 26, 2009 at 8:34 am

We (the south) was absolutely wrong about slavery and states rights in this regard. The Constitution was clear and virtuous in this matter. But I do think the Confederacy represented a people standing and defending what they thought was a right. The people showed a lot courage and determination. Fortunately for mankind we lost the war.  I don’t know why we have a holiday for it, but I’m not opposed to it.

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